When my Mom gets depressed she gets quiet and when she talks her voice is small. When she is starting to come out of her depression she starts to talk a little. Tonight, she began our phone conversation in a small voice, almost rambling. It was comforting to hear her thoughts without pause, I much prefer it to silence.
"I'm so bad." she started. "I've got to get out of this depression." "I hate this disease. I've had it for so long." (over 40 years) I'm lucky I'm still walking. But I can only do 2 laps I used to do 10 but when I'm depressed I don't push myself."
We talked about the cruise our family took when I was 16 and she could still walk. How while on the Island of Haiti, on the walk back to the boat from lunch, she got so over heated that she suddenly lost her ability to walk. My Dad had to carry her a long way and it was very hot. I can picture it in my mind and would have painted it tonight, except I thought to ask her one more time, for a topic for our art project, after weeks without one.
I heard her hesitate and then like rain after a Texas drought.
"Ummm, she said in a whisper, "a rainbow is ...is that it? a rainbow in the sky, a sign of life going on, sign of god, rainbow coming up, god's with you shining over you in his rainbow. my neck is cramping it's my personality right now dad says he'll do all the worrying, I have something to worry about I can't walk, I can't do crap, I'm numb in my hands, I'm numb in my feet, I'm not a normal person, I'm getting fat and I haven't been on the scale."
2 comments:
It never ceases to amaze me the things we continue to worry about as life goes on. "I'm getting fat and I haven't been on the scale."" My mother is probably slightly older than yours (71) her biggest concern is weight. I went to visit an artist friend in Austin who in her late 60 and looks very trim but her conversation is dominated by " look at this(holding her stomach so it had to roll in hands), I'm too fat!" The ladies I worked with both in their 60's likewise and neither of them particularly overweight.
Being a stripling of 52 and very overweight, I look in awe and wonderment at this ladies and think Why? Why is that particular part of their lives such a burden? I can guarantee that my Aunt who is 78 will be saying the say thing despite just getting through a bout of bladder cancer. Why?
I am loving your stories about your Mum.
I like the painting and I am so glad your mom is coming out of her depression. I think it is a wonderful thing you are doing with her.
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